The Moment I Met God

Tuesday, September 10: Describe a distinct moment when your life took a turn.

My life has taken a turn many times. At distinct moments. 

I got my license.
My mother got breast cancer.
I graduated high school. 
I moved into the dorms. 
I turned 21. 
I met my husband.  
A month later we were engaged. 
Two months after that, I was pregnant. (Story here)
We had our first baby!
I got on drugs.
I quit using drugs.
Geoff and I separated. 
I found out I was pregnant. (Part of that story here)
Placed baby for adoption. 
Reunited with Geoff. 
Married Geoff in the Church. 
Graduated college!
Had a baby boy!
Had a baby girl!
Moved to a new town.

All of those were distinct moments. But the distinct moment was the moment I found out I was pregnant with a child that I knew I could not carry and keep.

It was distinctively life-changing for obvious reasons, namely, it resulted in me carrying a baby for nine months, and then living states away from him. I don't want to trivialize or milk my adoption journey, and I'm not. This is not about the adoption, but what happened before. So, keep reading. 



It was the most important moment of my life, the moment I grew up. 

I became an adult who had to make the most difficult decision of my life.

It caused me to humble myself, and to have to shamefully tell my parents that I was pregnant, again. 

Most importantly, it was the moment that defined what my relationship would be with God. 

When I found out I was pregnant, it was a cruel joke that the Almighty was playing on me. He was punishing me for my previous drug use, for my separation in marriage, for lying to my family and friends about my lifestyle. 

My pregnancy was my punishment, and I was MAD. I had been intimate with my husband ONE TIME in our three month separation. ONE. My birthday and St. Valentines Day are a week apart, so you put two and two together. 

And then, we were apart for good (I thought), and I was alone. 

And pregnant.

The most distinctive moment of this distinctive moment is fresh and clear in my head. 

I was driving by myself into Lubbock to go to work. I was crying and very, very angry. I had just taken the test, and I knew. And I was mad.

I screamed at my Maker, and cursed him. 

I screamed, in a bloody, furious rage. "HOW DARE YOU! WHY?! WHY did You let this happen? WHY now?! WHY, when I'm getting over drugs and trying to get my life on track? WHY when I'm alone? WHY?! WHY? WHY?!?!?!!?" 

And, the clouds parted (metaphorically, but I wouldn't be surprised if they actually did),

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and He slapped me. 


The breath was knocked from my chest. I was struck. 

My tears stopped. 

My pulse slowed. 

And God spoke to me. Not in a loud, booming voice, not accompanied by a choir of angels. 

In my head, the only time in my life this has ever happened, He spoke into my thoughts. 

He was angry at me. "How DARE you blame Me. YOU did this. Now you can ask me WHY, or you can ask me WHAT you're supposed to do, and let Me help you through it."

And my life changed. 

I learned that God is absolutely, undeniably, incredibly real.

I learned to ask "what am I supposed to do now?" instead of "why did this happen to me?"

I learned to take responsibility for my actions.

I learned to trust Him. 
 

The moment I realized that God is really, really real... I knew my life would never be the same. And it hasn't been.

Through the trials and heartache and joy and triumphs, it has been better than I could ever have dreamed.