Insert Clever Blog Title Here. WHOLE30

Welcome 2014!
I can't believe how bad of a blogger I've been.
Bad blogger. Bad.

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Now that all that self-hatred is out of the way, I can move on to the real reason I'm back. Health. Or, lack thereof. 

This is not a new year resolution blog. This is not a "I will lose XX pounds in 2014" statement. This is a "I'm so sick of living like this, and I can't do it anymore!" post. Because I am! And I can't! 

Sidenote to self: this serves as your reminder, self, to write about our lovely Christmas and New Year celebrations at some point. They were wonderful. Blog them.

Other sidenote to self: do not ever eat like you have over the last couple months, ever again.

It seems like just last month I was unpacking boxes in our new home in our new town. I looked up, and realized it's been SIX MONTHS! Where has it gone? As time seems to grow thinner and thinner, however, I find myself expanding with a vengeance.

If you kept up with my blog months ago, I was on a journey to regain a healthy lifestyle. I tried, (and here is a little proof)... and, I failed. Miserably! (I believe the failing started with documentation here and just continued, then picked up like CRAZY over the holidays!)


Between something being jacked up with my hormones, general laziness, and a hint (or brick) of depression in there somewhere, I ballooned up a few sizes in jeans and I'm higher than the weight I was when I began my weight loss journey two years ago around this time. 

Two years ago I joined a gym, lost a good amount of weight - over 25 pounds of fat in less than 4 months. My BMI and body fat % both dropped to healthy levels, I gained muscle, was toned and... well, I was happy. I felt healthy! My mind and spirit were healthy, too. I was sleeping well, joyful, conquering obstacles in life with strength and grace.

I felt powerful. 

My mind and spirit followed suit. 


Now? Erase it all. Add weight. Add muscles that had been worked and toned, then neglected, and have come back with a flabbiness and cellulite-packed punch that this body has never seen!

It was hard to get on track before. Even with a gym with childcare for my baby and toddler. Even with a group of close friends who encouraged me. Even with group classes that held me accountable and were FUN!

Erase all of that. It is going to be hard... VERY hard, now. 

Which is why I've decided to go cold turkey and just jump in. 

The "why"s. 

I don't sleep anymore. Partly because I'm the mother to children who don't sleep, but mostly because I'm up with indigestion or acid reflux, or my brain just won't turn off. 

I don't feel good. Ever. 

I don't fit into any of my clothes. None of them. Except one pair of jeans, and even those are pushing it. I do NOT want to buy a "fat-girl" wardrobe, and I couldn't afford it if I DID want to.

I don't play anymore. I sit. My kids play, and I watch. Just writing that makes me want to cry. 

I don't blog anymore. Because I'm depressed and have nothing good to say. 

I'm depressed. :*( Boo. And lonely. Which has been a bit of a Catch22 with this whole unhealthy life thing. I'm lonely and depressed because I'm unhealthy. I'm unhealthy because I'm lonely and depressed. How do I get over that one? :/

I don't write anymore. 

I don't like to meet people, because I'm uncomfortable in my skin. 

I don't like my reflection. And I don't want that to translate to my daughter.  

I have children to love! And a husband that needs me to feel good and JUMP OUT OF THIS FUNK!!!

So, then, what's next? 

I don't have anyone to hold me accountable here. However, I have met a couple ladies who I think will be good to have as accountability partners over the next couple months, and maybe longer, so I do look forward to that! Looking up!

And Geoff has, after many, many, many tears and "I JUST CAN'T DO THIS ALONE"s on my part, expressed that maybe we could start doing a video in the morning before he goes to work (he leaves at 6:30 a.m., so you do that math). P90X, I believe we'll see you soon.  

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And so, here I start. All in. 

I start in the morning, January 9, 2014, with Whole30, where I will only eat whole foods, and stick to a pretty specific food regimin for 30 days. I'm going to start with just thirty days. I can do this. Thirty days at a time.

Whole30 Site

And I plan to chronicle bits and pieces of my journey. I'm excited to see where this goes. 

I just want to be happy again! And I know that the key to happiness is health in body, mind, and spirit. I'm working on the latter two, but with the way I work, the body is the first temple and if it's not working right, nothing else will. (Believe me. My spirit and mind have been most powerful and healthy when my body is healthy. It is bizarre how much physical health plays into mental and spiritual health! With my body feeling like this, it will be impossible to convince my mind and spirit to do what is necessary for them to regain full operations.)

I will post photos (before/after) each 30 days. Let's see if I can actually morph my very soul and inner being into doing this by myself, with no gym, with no childcare, with no accountability... I know I can. I've conquered more difficult tasks than this, right? Meh, I'm not so sure!

Here's to hope and God's favor! <3
J