This is the Life: A Blue Collar Housewife

Before I begin, you must understand.
Understand that I am grateful.
Understand that I have a bursting, uncontainable amount of respect for my husband.
Understand that I adore that man, that I see him not only as my best friend, but as the provider for me and our home. We do not make it easily. But we make it, because of him.

And so, I begin.


This is the life of a blue collar housewife.

My mom stayed home with all five of us kiddos until the youngest was in third grade. My dad was a deacon and an editor for the Catholic newspaper in town, and his income was just enough to get by, with a few lovely perks along the way.

Somehow, on a tiny income - tiny by social standards for a family of seven - we had fabulous birthdays, Christmases, and even trips to NYC, Disneyland, and Michigan along the way. We ate homecooked meals, shopped at thrift stores, drove used and paid-for cars, and didn't live excessively.

We were poor. And we were happy.
So, knowing that one could be both poor and happy, the decision for me to stay home when we welcomed our second child was not terribly terrifying.

I always worked. From the time I was 16 and could drive, I worked. I worked through high school, and through college (and through dropping out of college, then re-enrolling, then dropping out, then re-enrolling, then graduating). I have a degree. I have a love for the service industry. I have the desire and drive to work.

But, more than that, I have the desire to raise my children. (Most of the time. I can't lie and say that it's all daisies. There have been many, MANY days where I've yearned for a "real" job and the perks of a paycheck.)

At the time Aidan was born, I had a good job. I was the Training Event Coordinator for the Office of Dispute Resolution for the county. And I really, really liked it. It wasn't the highest paying job, but it was fulfilling.

We talked about me staying home, but I was unsure as to whether I wanted to, and whether it was actually even possible. At the time my husband worked at TNT Fireworks' warehouse. He operated a fork lift, delivered firework stands all over the state, loaded trucks of fireworks, restored broken-down stands, installed area lighting. He did a little of everything, at an hourly wage.

Then, my son was born. And little by little, life (aka God) proved that it was possible.

I still had my job, and went in a few hours here and there, but because my son was born with a terrible umbilical hernia, I felt very uneasy about leaving him. I couldn't put him in daycare. What if it ruptured? What if he wasn't monitored carefully? What if, what if, what if?

And so, I quit my job. It wasn't really my intention, but it became clear that I wasn't going back any time soon.

There we were. My hardworking husband, our two children, and me, a blue collar housewife.

Somehow (aka God), everything worked out, and I have been a stay at home mom for four years now. We have three children, and I'm home with the younger two.

My husband works hard.
He has a different job now, but he's still not salary.
He works with his hands.
He drives a tractor or a loader.
He has found himself at times standing waist-deep in a cow poop lagoon. (To clarify, not for fun. He works with cattle.)
He comes home smelling of sweat and composted manure.
His hands are calloused.
His arms and face and neck are dark. (But that's it. The rest of him rarely sees sun.)
He is strong.
Very strong.

Surprising to corporate America, some men don't want to sit behind a desk.
Their desire to put on plaid khakis and commune on a golf course is low. (Though I bet my husband would love it if he actually gave it a shot.)
They don't care about ties and shiny shoes, fast cars and Rolex watches. (I lied. He does want a nice car. More for me than him. And he wants a motorcycle. He IS a man, after all.)


Some, some men are actually content to be blue collar.
Enter my husband.
He is incredibly smart.
His intuition and wit are unmatched.
He can use any tool, operate any machine, fix anything... without ever having used or operated or fixed it before.
He has to move, to work, to DO.
He has to think on the spot, operate machinery, use his hands and his feet.
He can't put on a suit and sit.
He has moved up, but he will never be white collar.
He strives for higher level management, and someday ownership of some sort.
But he'll never be white collar.
And that's okay, because he's my blue collar man.
And I love him. I'm proud of him. I respect him.
He is... amazing.

So, what does it mean? And why do you care?

Because society has lost it's respect for homemakers.
Society has told women that if you don't work a "man's" job, if you're not able to support yourself, if you stand barefoot in the kitchen, somehow it diminishes your worth.
Society has told us that we can only afford to have one, maybe two or 2.5 children.
Society tells us that we cannot afford to be a one-income family.
It has duped us into believing that both parents working, while limiting family size, is the only route to success.
It has led us to believe that only the wealthy can be homemakers, and that the job of housewife isn't near as fun if you don't have the money to do things. (Thank you, Real Housewives series.)

If this is the case, how are we so happy?

We do not travel. Our vacations generally consist of staying with family members or an occasional hotel night stay.
We don't drive nice cars. In fact, they're less than nice. But they work.
My nails are bitten (bad habit, I know!), and not manicured.
My feet are not pedicured.
My hair gets a salon cut once a year.
We are renters. (Though we will buy eventually, we're kind of gypsies and haven't found the place, yet.)
Our furniture is mismatched, and our appliances are not stainless steel.
We don't have cable. Or a big TV.
If he can't get off work, my husband watches the kids' performances and Christmas programs on video. (That's the part that gets me most, I think.)
We don't have much.

Yet, we have everything we need, and more.

We have fun and cheap vacations - we go to concerts, the zoo, the beach.
We never go hungry. I make every meal, and make sure my family eats fun food, and healthy food, and tries new foods.
We go out to eat, even. Usually once a week after Mass.
I dress pretty nice. My clothes are not designer, but I know how to shop for killer deals.
If I just HAVE to get my nails done, I do.
Our children always have the money to pay for class trips or buy their friends a birthday gift.
Our home is nice and well-stocked. It is peaceful and homey, serene and comfortable.
Birthdays and Christmases are never lacking.
We even get to go on dates, and pay for a babysitter. My husband and I go for sushi. My daughter and I go to the Nutcracker. Dates may not be often, but they do happen more often than you'd think.
I get to go to Hobby Lobby to get craft supplies and make things. (And, if I could just get enough cash together, could actually make that a side job to bring in a little extra income. Someday!)

Yes, we have debt (student loans). We'll pay it off when our kids are older and I go back to work.
Yes, sometimes the fear of what bills we can pay when sets in. But I do not believe is this a blue-collar problem. I believe that, no matter what, money is ALWAYS a stress factor.
Yes, I go stir crazy. I'm an adult, and if I can't figure out cures for stir-craziness, I'm lame, and it's my own fault.
Yes, my kids drive me crazy from time to time. They're children. And I'd trade one thousand hours of them driving me crazy for one moment of seeing them take their first bite of food, or first step, or first trip to the potty, or be there for the first tears after girls were mean at school.

And so, here I am, a blue collar housewife, living a really, really good life.
It's not always easy, but who's is?

I believe that many work because they're afraid that they can't make it.
But here I am, here we are, proof that it's possible.
And oh! is it possible! And worth it!

Being at home takes sacrifice. And partnership.
It takes a husband who is willing to work really, really hard, and miss out on some things in order to provide.
It takes patience on my part, and sometimes loneliness and tears. (I do believe every wife experiences this - regardless of what her husband does.)
It takes knowing that you are not wealthy, and you will not be for a long time, if ever.
It takes buying cheap shampoo and driving old cars.
It takes - THIS IS THE KICKER - putting aside your feminist pride, and being submissive, grateful, and DEPENDENT on your spouse. And trusting and praying that he pulls through.
It takes loving and supporting and respecting him - even, no, especially when he fails.
It takes shopping clearance.
It takes knowing that you may never have your dream house, or nice cars, or the newest phone.
It takes NEVER COMPARING your life to others - ESPECIALLY other housewives. There will always be those who can afford luxuries. YOU are NOT them. It takes understanding that THAT IS OKAY, and life - raising children - is not a competition. It takes knowing and loving and embracing these housewives, too, regardless of whether you can afford to do everything they can. (Remember, all mothers are in it together!)

More importantly, it takes realizing that the ministry of raising your children is the most important ministry on earth.
It takes realizing that no amount of wealth or material things can replace the few short years that your babies are little.
It takes humility, and the strength to say "we can't afford that right now."
It takes having pride in who we are.
It takes character and humor! (Humor is probably one of the more important things in this mix.)

I wouldn't trade my life as a blue collar housewife.
I dream of stilettos and New York City lights, visiting Broadway and a tiny flat in Manhattan.(Insert eye roll from my dad here.)
I dream of opening an art gallery and restaurant.
I dream of publishing a novel, or a dozen. (Which is something that I get to work on at home.)
I have many, many dreams. And most may never happen. But that's okay, because it's my job to enjoy my life, and be grateful for it... and work to mold my children into people who will make THEIR dreams come true!

I'm here to say be proud of your life as a blue collar housewife.
Because you're making it, against all the odds that society has stacked against you.
Enjoy it. Live it. And be grateful for it.

Adios.



Disclaimer: I do not care to hear what you have to say about families whose mothers work. I know these families, and I love them. I know you have to do what you have to do, and what is best for everyone. This post is not about two-parent or single parent or double-income families. It is SOLELY about my being a blue-collar housewife. If you want to comment on two-income families, or single parents, or whatever, then write your own blog and comment on it there. :) Peace!