Now, I'm not saying this is a bad thing. Who wouldn't want to wake up to this smiling little boy, and cuddling daughters? I love seeing their faces first thing. But some parents think I'm crazy. I think that people who have never been co-sleepers can't get it.
"WHAT? Your kids still sleep in your room?!"
Yes, yes they do. All three of them. I kick them out of the bed if more than one climbs in, and they're required to make their own pallet on the floor if they come in at midnight. But, yep, they do. Especially in the summer, when all rules take a hiatus (no bed time, no wake time, no schedule... yes, we're THAT family. I REALLY love summer).
We're not parents that really care if our kids come in to our room, as long as they're not trying to pool into our queen-sized bed, they start the night out in their own beds, and they bring their own blankets. During the summer, and during the winter, there is a kid-bed on the floor (like a dog-bed, but made of layers of blankets and pillows), and that is their pallet. So be it.
The littlest A does sleep with us. Yep, she does, and yep, she's almost two (in about two months). She went through a brief period where she slept in her crib, when she was about a year, maybe 14 months. I started putting her in her crib to sleep (I was a "co-sleeper" and nursed her through 10 months. After that, I just needed sleep, so she slept with us then, too).
She slept in her crib for, oh, about a night or two. It was amazing! Best sleep I'd had in years! Then, one night, I heard her crying. I thought, of course, that she'd cry herself back to sleep. But she didn't. The cry got louder, and louder, and then, she was standing beside my bed. :| She learned to flip her body over the side of her crib, cling on with tiny little fists, then drop to the ground. And it was all over.
Basically, the only way I'm going to get her to sleep in her room is to 1: to put a lock on the outside of her bedroom door, take out any furniture, and line the walls with rubber just in case she gets crazy, or to 2: wait until she's old enough to understand, and make her start the night in her room. This will be about six months from now, and I'm okay with that.
Now, understand that the kids don't come in every night, and most nights its just one kiddo or the other. Most nights littlest A starts out sleeping on the couch (GASP! BAD MOM!), and when she wakes up crying (which, yes, she still does), I bring her to bed with me.
For now, we are a bunch of cuddlers. And I stay at home. As long as Geoff is getting the sleep he needs, and I'm getting a decent amount, and we're getting the alone time we need, and the kids start the night in their own beds, I'm good with that. If they wake up at night and need to feel the comfort of their parents, at one, or three, or even nine years old, who am I to reject them? They'll grow out of it soon enough. (Eldest A started growing out of it at about 6 years old. She comes in on occasion, but the vast majority of the time she sleeps in her own bed.)
My most-given advice to new parents is about bedtime rules: do what works. Books do not know your kids or your desires or your sleep cycles. If daddy hates co-sleeping, don't do it. If you prefer to get out of bed and keep putting your kiddo back to bed each time he pulls out of the crib, do it. Who cares if your baby is still being pulled into your bed at a year or two years old? As long as you're getting sleep and your husband isn't suffering (you know what I mean), who cares? Putting timelines on kids is like wrapping a string around a tiger and expecting it to hold still.
Build healthy boundaries, make sure you're not making your kids uber-dependent, that you're teaching them how to pray and calm themselves down if they wake from a bad dream, and then, just enjoy the fact that they're still little, and they still need their parents.
After all, it's not like my kids are still going to be piling in to my bed when they're 13 years old. At that point, they'll probably be wearing black lipstick and listening to goth music in their dungeon-themed bedroom (GOD, help us!).
Cheerio!
Jessica
Good advice! There's no 'one size fits all.'
ReplyDeleteJust make sure middle A has his juice!
ReplyDelete