Babies, Babies, EVERYWHERE!

On Thursday we will go for our first ultrasound this pregnancy. It will be the first glimpse at our child, the first view of a tiny heartbeat, tiny head and hands and toes. I pray that Littlest Kelly cooperates and gives us a good view of that little face, but mostly I pray that development is on-point and progress is healthy, and that if we have any surprises (disability, or, Lordhavemercy, multiple babies), we are strong in faith. 

This is our fourth Kelly kid. Four babies running around this house. 1. What are we going to do?! and 2. What were we THINKING?!

I've seen some really funny posts (and really sad ones, too) regarding comments people get about having any number of children. This is the most recent:

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It's kind of hilarious but sadly, true. This was my lighthearted response:

"Hahaha this is awesome! 

Let's see... I'm pregnant with #4 (which I really don't even think is that big of a number. It's actually normal, I think), and I get:

"Oh, you must be Catholic," (because clearly only Catholic people like having kids. Wait, what? And EVERY Catholic has more than 2 kids, and every non-Catholic has less than 4. Right?) 

"You know what causes that, right?" (Because it's totally appropriate to point out that me and my husband have sex in the privacy of our home. Perhaps they would also like to know our positions and attire? This could get interesting...), 

and "Dang! You trying to catch up with your brother?!" (Because my brother's wife is pregnant with #7). 

Um, yes I'm Catholic, but that's not why I'm pregnant. My husband and I have awesome kids, and still have the passion in our relationship that we did when we were 21. That is why I am pregnant. 

Oh, and no, I will never "catch up with my brother," you idiots. Child-bearing is the single most amazing, incredible, and beautiful miracle on earth... not a game of tag. 

Oh, one more thing... please don't ask me "are you done after this one?" Um, I haven't even met this kid yet, and what the heck does that even mean... are you done? Like kids are cookies? 

K. Done. :)"

I have been thinking more and more about this topic over the last week, and why it is that Catholics really do seem to have more children (at least in my surroundings - which might be abnormal but I don't think so). 

A couple pretty obvious answers come to mind, but that we don't "believe" in birth control is probably the most common. 

But the truth is, our convictions go much further than that. (Mind you, I realize that this is not an ONLY Catholic thing. And I have no research to back up any of this. So I'm formulating things the best I can. Bear with me.)

As my 2 year-old daughter scrolls through my phone's photo gallery, finding videos of herself to watch in vanity, and my 4 year-old son runs around with a Superman costume and cape on, swinging a foam bat to hit baby dolls across the room, and the computer is propped on my lap, with my ever-expanding belly growing with life, I smile. And I ponder... 

Why do many Catholics (and other God-fearing people - insert Duggars here) have so many kids?

Mind you, we did not "want" more children. We were very happy with our little brood, and our family felt totally complete. Of course, it also felt complete after Annie. And Aidan. Funny how it feels MORE complete with each child. 

But for the most part, we assumed we were not going to have more children, we did not particularly want more children, and after a difficult pregnancy with Adeline, I certainly did not want to carry another child in this body. So, to put it as delicately as I can, we were "careful" in timing and activity. 

Nevertheless, I became pregnant. Because my husband and I can't keep our hands off each other. (Praise God for that, right? How boring would marriage be if we could?)

Obviously, we do not use birth control in the form of condoms or medication. Now, this is very imporatant, so pay attention. We do not oppose birth control because we are Catholic, though it is against Church teaching. 

We don't use birth control because we are in a committed and trusting marriage. We have so many kids because of three key trust-centered relationships. 

#1 - We trust God. 

We cannot, I mean, CAN NOT trust God fully if we trust Him in all areas of our life EXCEPT the most obvious... GIVING life. We cannot say "I put all my trust in you, my God... except for how many kids you have planned for us. We're going to go ahead and take that, that HUGE part of our lives, and just trust our own plans on that one. Sorry 'bout ya."

"Lord, I trust you to provide for my current family. I trust you to provide health, peace, stability... but ONLY for us and our two point five, no more." Does this even make sense? 

We cannot fully rely on God if we don't trust Him when it comes to childbearing. Period. 

#2 - We trust each other. 

My husband and I trust each other. We trust each other enough to know that, no matter how many children come into our home, we will make it work. We trust that we will be strong for each other, be selfless in our tasks, be hardworking and diligent, and do the best we can for each other and our children.

We trust each other enough to know that if I need a "break" or he needs a "break", we will do what we can to make that happen. 

We trust each other enough to know that house and car and clothes and TVs don't matter in our relationship, and that if we have to be dirt poor to raise our children in a healthy and loving, stable home, we will not hold our conditions - what we have (debt) or don't have (home ownership) - against each other. 

We trust each other enough to know that we will both work. Hard. To raise our family. At this point, I make the home and he pays the bills. That may soon change when he goes back to finish college this fall (yes, it IS possible to return to college, even with four children). But we trust that we will do everything we can to make it work.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, we trust that as many fights as we have, as hard as it gets here and there, and even that we will want to call it quits at times, we will ALWAYS be married. We CHOOSE to live a life where our children will never have to choose between us. We CHOOSE to make our marriage work. We CHOOSE 'til death do us part. We CHOOSE love, even when it doesn't "feel good." And we trust those choices, no matter what. (And y'all... we have been through some doozies. If anyone had "reason" to divorce, time and time again... I mean, for real.)

We trust that we are in this life together. Period. 

#3 - We trust ourselves. 

I trust that I am strong enough to carry this baby this pregnancy, even though my body may not believe me at times. I trust that I can control my emotions, my attitude, my patience, and my spare time. I fail at those things. A lot. But I trust that even when I fail, I am bright enough and invested enough and love my children and husband enough to bring myself back to, um, "normal."

I trust that I will always forgive myself and my husband. I trust that I will always be true to myself and my husband. I trust that I will be the best wife and mother I can. Even though the best I can be really sucks sometimes.

My husband trusts himself. He works more hours than any man I know. And we live comfortably for it. He trusts himself - that he will do anything he has to - work any odd jobs he has to - go to work four a.m. until two a.m., then go back at seven a.m., if he has to, to take care of our family. Those times, though rare, are very hard on all of us. 

He also trusts that he will always be true to me, and to forgive himself and me. 

He trusts himself, and I trust myself, and we make it work. The children have a father that comes home to play catch and jump on the trampoline with them. They have a mother that cooks every meal and encourages and nurtures them.

I trust me. He trusts him. And when I start to fail in trusting myself, my husband reminds me that I should. And when he starts doubting himself, I build him up. Because we are both worth trusting our own strength. 

And that's it. And all that TRUST allows us to have great HOPE for our future, and for the future of our children, and our children's children, and theirs to come. 

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It's pretty simple, really. Trust God. Trust each other. Trust yourselves. That's what it comes down to. 

We are lower middle-class social-wise, but when it comes to family life, I'd say we are upper-high-class. 

Our children are modest and have excellent etiquette (most of the time). They are very well-behaved, have very pleasant personalities, are polite, and very bright. They are also silly and outrageous. They are creative and can keep themselves occupied for hours on end with zero electronics. No, we do not have an iPad. Or a DVD player in our car. I don't even have a single game on my phone. And yet, we travel, for three, four, six hours, semi-regularly, with little to no incident. 

They are not perfect. And neither are we. In fact, we're all far from it. But we are one beautiful family. And we intend on allowing any more children that God intends for this house - into it, whether through birth or adoption. Why would we not? We think our children are God's gift to the world! (Not in a gross, pompous "my kids are better than your kids" way. In a - "no, really, children are God's gift to the world, and each has his place" way.)

No, we are not crazy (though if you stop by on a random weekday, it might seem like it). In fact, I'd say we are the sane ones. I know couples who are happy with no children, though they desperately want to be parents and have not yet been given the opportunity. I know parents who are fulfilled and grateful with one child or two, but who desperately want more. I know people who have five, six, and seven children, and who are happy where they are, but will take whatever comes. The thing all these people have in common? They trust God, trust their spouse, and trust themselves. 

And, twenty years from now, when our homes are bursting at the seams with friends, and children, and grandchildren, and friends children and grandchildren, we will be filled with joy. There will never be "empty-nest syndrome." There will only be legacy after legacy, carrying on our names. 

So, my friends in Christ, carry on.
Welcome your children, and trust God. Welcome your children, and trust each other (inluding your church community. They are the ones who step in when your trust in God, your spouse, or yourself, hits rocky ground and needs support). Welcome your children, and trust yourself. 

Life is too short not to share it with little people who are, very literally, little pieces of you. 

Live well.
Love. 

J

Disclaimer: I know that some people really cannot risk having more than a child or two, usually for medical reasons. Those, too, must trust God, trust each other, and trust themselves. God gives us each a gift of discernment.

However, if those reasons sound like any of the following: We don't have enough bedrooms, we won't be able to afford cars or college for any more kids, I don't want to be 60 at my kid's graduation, our family already feels complete, there isn't room in my car for another car seat, etc., perhaps there is trust lacking - in God, spouse, or self. And there is room for healing there. I've lived it. :) 

Oh, I also know that there are those who have many children and cannot provide for any of them. I know that there are children who have different fathers and whose mother is in and out of prison. Those are the ones who give big families a "bad name." So, you can sit and trash talk them, and talk about how they need to be neutered... or you can learn to be a human being, and LOVE them. You can pray for them, feed them, provide for them, offer to babysit so mom can get a job. You can talk crap about the problem, or you can help be part of a growing, living, loving solution. Your choice.